Oh..um....where was......Ah yes, so Willard Mitt Romney has won the Florida primary. He beat the fat blow hard otherwise known as Newt Gingrich who'se only claim to fame in recent weeks was his idea to build a 51st state upon the Moon. No. I did not just make that up.
Anyway. Newt is fat and angry, so he'll try to stick it out in this race as long as possible. And he's like a succubus, he feeds off energy. Newt feeds off of hatred and the questioning of his higher sense of self. So for every republican, pundit, and media personality that demands to know why he is still in this thing when he has NO chance, Newts determination increases by five percent. If i do my math correctly........lets see.....5 times 9......add 2......carry the 1........So he's currently at 7 million percent and counting. He'll stay in this thing fueled only by rage. It's almost admirable if he wasn't such a repulsive fuck head who deserves to be bitch slapped at every corner of the country.
Anyway, so Willard is going to be the republican nominee. This is almost a sure thing now. He'll spend the next few months telling make believe stories about a fictional preisdent named Obama who bears little to NO resemblance to the ACTUAL President Obama. This will make for an extremely annoying and very boring campaign. Look, this is simple. YOU already know who you are voting for. Everyone does. You either hate the black guy, or you don't. I for one want the entire republican party to jump off a cliff and cease to fucking exist, so I'll be voting for the black guy. Plus, mormon's are weird and I dont want a president who wears Jesus underwear. "Thats very prejudi...."SHUT the fuck up! So, honestly, feel free to tune out from this election now. Don't worry, Ii'll keep you up to date on the fun stuff!
I will say though, Willard is an EXTREMELY week candidate. He's almost certainly made of plastic, has the personality of a cardboard cut out, and inspires passion in absolutely no one. Not to mention republican ideaology and ideas are all PROVEN failures(thanks W. Bush) at this point. So the only thing he has to run on is "I ain't the black guy!", and when your ONLY issue to run on is I'm not him, you will LOSE. Right John Kerry?
Oh, and Ron Paul and Rick Santorum are also still in the race but.....nobody cares. Ron Paul has a fanbase about as big as the people demanding the return of Pepsi Blue, and Rick Santorum is now known for being named after shit and lube. So nobody cares. Bye!
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