So tonight was the South Carolina primaries, and WHOA NELLY!!!! EARTH SHATTERING THE APOCALYPSE THE END OF ALL LIFE NINTENDO 64 OH MY GOOOOOOOyeah Newt Gingrich won.
Really wasn't that hard for him. This past week, Willard made a series of verbal mistakes, mostly because he has a desperate desire to appear like one of the poor working class, and people finally noticed he's a rich bitch
So poor Willard collapsed under the weight of his own wealth, and stuttered and fumbled and made himself look stupid. I mean how do you manage to make your tax returns look like the impending anal pounding from the cock of Satan? Willard refuses to release his tax returns, probably cause it shows how repulsively rich he is and how easily he manipulates his wealth in order to pay the lowest possible tax rate, and this has become an issue now. He looks unreliable, untrustworthy, and like a smug prick you just want to slap around a little. In a time when the rich fucking people over with glee has become THE biggest issue around, no person has a bigger "I enjoy manipulating your anus" smile than Romney.
So the man who stole his hair off a Lego person, Newt Gingrich, won tonight. This is mainly because the primary took place in South Carolina. South Carolina longs for the days of segregation and slavery, so in order to win all you have to do is put in obviously racist yet plausibly deniable terminology in your vernacular. In other words, you just have to say "I hate niggers" in a way that the media can't specifically call you out on it. And that is exactly what Newt did. Saying President Obama, the first African American president is the "food stamp president" is such an obvious dog whistle to bitter old white farts, you just have to fucking laugh at the absurdity of it. But rednecks with three day old shit stained underwear hear that, and it sends a signal into their brains. It's like Inception, but for bigots. So that's what Newt did. He went around saying "die black people die" in ways that only the brain dead racist idiots who make up the population of South Carolina..."oh its not fair for you to call them all brain dead and ra..." the brain dead racist idiots who make up the population of South Carolina could understand. He also did the ONLY thing that causes republicans to get horny about: He cursed out the media. The horrible dirty, no good, liburururururlal media. Why? Cause they wanted to know how a man so fat and ugly could get away with being such a whore. So once again, the mouth breathers of South Carolina saw this and went "That man made my wonk tingle! He gets mah vote!"So while Willard was standing over there trying to figure out what day of the week it was, Newt was foaming at the mouth like an angry pit bull ready to strike down a black mail man, took the lead in the polls, and has now WON the South Carolina primary.
Oh and Ron Paul and Frothy Santorum are also still there, but nobody gives a shit. "NO RON PAUL IS THE SAVIOR OF THE COUNTRY..." Ron Paul is a stupid old coot who will GLADLY take away every life line and safety net currently available that keeps you and the morons who support him one foot away from total economic ruin , and hopes nobody will notice how miserable things become without them since everyone will be able to smoke a joint. Shut the fuck up!
The only winner again tonight is Obama. Gingrich will NEVER win. EVER. Romney is becoming more damaged every week he's standing. So it's going to get the point where all he'll have to do to win re-election is simply point to his opponent and go "really?" and he'll win with 75% of the vote. But this is what the republican party deserves. When you suck kiss ass only to the crazy people amongst you, don't be surprised whenever everyone else looks at you like you smell of shit.
Oh, and in case you missed it, here's a brief summary of the speeches the remaining candidates gave tonight"
Frothy Santorum: I hate faggots! They like to fuck each other in the ass! Fucking in the ass is gross! I want to be fucked in the ass! Look at my sweater vest! I want men, please love me?
Ron Paul" THE GOVERNMENT IS A MASSIVE TYRANNOSAUR AND WILL AT YOUR BABIES UNLESS YOU KILL IT AND EAT IT WITH MASH POTATO'S AND BACON!! WHY IS THAT CLOUD IN THE SKY LOOKING AT ME SOMEONE SHOOT IT!!!
Willard; Obama is a black alien from the planet Xornia! He is a succubus who will violate your essence and turn you into a hormonal zombie!He has sex with Europe, Only I can save you LOVE ME!!!!!!
Newt: FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!! I HATE NIGGERS!!! FUCK YOU!!!!vote for me.
Until next time darlings! The clown car keeps riding.
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