The Penis of George Lucas

I was going to buy the Star Wars blu-ray set. All six movies in high definition. I was going to buy it. I wanted to buy it. I was looking foward to it.

But I'm afraid that time has come and gone my friends. For, as you will see, George Lucas has ONCE AGAIN pulled out his penis, stroked himself, and squirted him mangoo all over the films. Yes, that's right, he's ALTERED the fucking movies ONCE AGAIN. And this time he didn't just stop as background material. You know, adding an extra bantha in the background taking a shit on a Jawa or something No, this time he decided to go ahead and alter the main action going on front and center. And not much of it is good. In fact most of it is so poor, so illogical, so unecessary, he has managed to RUIN the fucking films. He saw that line, and his penis said NO MORE! and by god, it crossed it! So here in order from least offensive to FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, are the changes made to the Star Wars films on this blu-ray set.

First we have CGI yoda in episode 1.

Fine. No problem with this at all. It actually looks better than the puppet they were still using when they made this movie. This is an improvement. Next

The Ewoks in Return of the Jedi have now been given CGI eyeballs and eyelids:

I actually like this one! The eyes came out good, and it gives just an added hint of personality to the Ewoks. He should have done this one a long time ago. Sadly, this is where the fun ends, and the PAIN begins.

For instance, remember that quick moment in Episode 4 when Obi Wan saves Luke and the droids by scaring off the retarded Sand People? Here's that moment in its original form in case you forgot:

Okay. That's fine. Nothing major. Small moment that serves its purpose. Obi Wan makes the noise of a creature and the Sand People scatter like assholes. Yet for some unfathomable reason, THIS just didn't sit right with good ol' Uncle George! So he changed it. And in doing so, has given the blu-ray editions of Star Wars, the following moment:

What the fuck was that???? LMAO!!!!! WHY DID HE CHANGE THIS???? AND HE MADE IT WORSE!!! It sounds like Carrot Top having a orgasm! What the f...Is this man SERIOUS??? IS THIS A JOKE???? Why would you even NEED to change that? It's so POINTLESS! And then to make it sound like THAT? Fuck me senseless! WHY???? I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!! GAH!!! :facepalm: This has to be a joke right? I mean he can't possibly be putting out these fucking movie's with this shit included can he? He took the roar of a beast and turned it into the sound of a peacock taking a shit. He HAS to be trolling people.

The next change is one he ALWAYS feels the need to tinker with, Jabba the Hut's Palace. Here are two changes in one clip. First off, you'll see there seems to be another 10 million people added within Jabba's little room there, the most obvious of which is Sebulba, the alien creature pod racer from Episode 1. George Lucas once again shoving those fucking prequels down everyone's eye socket at every given turn. But then you'll see the REAL kicker:

Uh...anybody notice how MASSIVE the door to Jabba's palace has become all of a sudden? Yes, Lucas decided to add in a CGI door, or actually, take the door that was already there, and CGI it to make it 4 times bigger! The result is just odd and terrible. The door looks like a cartoon. As if we're watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The camera shot has been altered so we can MAKE SURE to see this new fully CGI cartoon door as the droids approach it. It makes them look out of place against the backdrop of this giant cock door. Again, I must ask....WHYYYYYYYYYYY was this done? How miserable is George Lucas that he looked at the FUCKING door of Jabba the Hut's palace, pulled out his penis to consult with it and have the penis decide "DOOR TOO SMALL! NEED BIGGER DOOR FOR PENIS!"I mean, WHO was nitching about the door? ITS A DOOR!!! The worst part is, there is at one point an interior shot of the palace in which you see the door opening. THAT hasn't been changed! So in that shot, the size of the door outside, does NOT match the size of the door when viewed from the interior. So he's basically CREATED a continuity error in his own fucking film! I mean....I cant think of ANY logical reason for this one. What did he think he needed to explain just how they were able to fit the fucking Rankor in the palace? Oh gee! Thank you Uncle George for answering a question not a single person has given enough of a shit about to ask in over 30 fucking years! Glad you took the time to damage your own film for something NOBODY other than your dick gave a heep long fuck about! You flagrant asshole! :grinds teeth:

And now......I was looking foward to these blu0rays......comes THE change that officially confirms Lucas no longer uses his brain to think. This is where the penis saw the line, crosssed it, and splooged upon the film ruining it beyond repair. The Penis of Lucas decided to botch and destroy one of THE key moments in the entire Star Wars saga. First, some background. I draw your attention to the following clip:

What you have just seen was THE most parodied moment in all of Star Wars. All three prequels lead up to THIS moment. The momen't of Darth Vader's creation. And so naturally the Penis of Lucas decided that the first thing that Darth Vader, one of the most intimidating, classic, memorable characters in fucking film history, should do is walk off a gurney like Frankenstein's monster and yell NOOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOooOOooOooooooOOoo in the worst possible way anyone could ever think to yell NOOOOoooOOOOOoooOOOooOoooooo. It came off so poor, that fans immediately ragged on the scene. It became an instant internet meme. And rightly so! The fact that nobody ever stopped The Penis of George Lucas during the making of this film and said "uh, shouldnt we fix this a bit?" shows the tragedy that happens when once talented people become surrounded by useless "yes" men too afraid to ever stand up and stop thier leader from causing harm onto themselves or thier art. Surely George Lucas knows how poorly received this moment was. It's STILL all over the internet. It's infamous. It's something that should not be referenced to.

But the Penis of George Lucas is easily corrupted.

And that penis, with all it's bitter vile, has taken this moment:

AND HAS DONE THIS TO IT:

And with that, I will no longer purchase the Star Wars blu-ray set. I no longer want it. I no longer care. I no longer have the slightest interest in spending a single dollar on what once was one of my most anticipated blu-ray sets to ever be released. I am done. The Penis of George Lucas has spoken, It has emitted. It has altered. It has ruined. And I don't feel like playing it's games anymore. I mean....there is no viable explanation for this. None. Did Lucas all of a sudden think people didn't know what Vader was thinking at that exact fucking moment? After all thsi time? Did he want to tie the original series more to the prequels by making Vader more of the punk ass bitch he was while Hayden Christensen played him? I mean I look at this, and there is ZERO logic to it. None. I can't come up with a single reason for this. This is Lucas literally flipping the bird to his fanbase. And the worst part of it, ALL the little fanboys bitching and moaning about this, each and every single one of them will line up outside Best Buy on release day, BUY this fucking thing and give Lucas another couple million dollars to wipe his fucking ass with. If you keep encouraging stupid behavior, stupid behavior will continue. But I dont feel like rewarding stupidity so my money is staying in my wallet and going elsewhere. Now both sets of films culminate in Vader yelling NOOOoooOOOOoOOOooo like a simp. I'm done. Can't do it anymore. Star Wars is fucking dead.



The Penis of George Lucas has spoken!

 I leave you with this parting gift. A useful tool for you to use whenever another edition of Star Wars is released, and the penis takes to it altering everything in existance. You can expect that to happen soon too, since the penis decree that the Star Wars films are set to be released in theaters next year in fucking 3D. So you can just go here and properly vent what you really feel. Friends, CLICK HERE AND ENJOY!

Beggars can be choosers will be assholes!

I point your attention to this article here:

http://gizmodo.com/5833787/my-brief-okcupid-affair-with-a-world-champion-magic-the-gathering-player

It's written by some daffy blonde chick who works at the gadget geek website Gizmodo, about her forays into online dating via OKCupid. Apparently, on her date, she managed to end up going out with the world champion of the game Magic: The Gathering. She then proceeds to, as delicately as she can, call him a massive fucking dork and blame his involvement with the game as the top reason why she won't date him again. Oh sure she, out of nowhere of course, tosses in a "moral of the story is" type of thing to says oh dont date people who you dont have things in common with! But before getting there she bashes the guy, bashes his hobby, bashes him for not mentioning on his profile what he does, and seems to hold herself as some kind of superior becuase she doesn't play the fucking game.

This is the point of the story where I throw my rifle into the squad and say: BITCH, EAT A DICK! First off, the guy is a world champion, and actually manages to make a good living on this hobby. She bashes him for playing, for having friends who play it, and for being involved in it at all. WTF??? And this is a bitch who works at fucking GIZMODO! A FUCKING GADGET WEBSITE! GEEKS INFEST THAT WEBSITE! MANY OF WHOM LIKELY PLAY THE COCK SUCKING GAME! So it didn't matter that he was actually successful, and a well dressed decent looking nice guy, oh no! It all went IMMEDIATELY to shit when he said "Magic: The Gathering". And she has the fucking balls to run home to her stupid little website, call the man out by NAME on the fucking internet and trash him and his hobby as uber dorks not worth her fucking time? Great guy, but plays magic? OH NO! THE HORROR! MUST FLEE NOW! The man is intelligent, decent looking, rich even! But magic?? GOD FUCKING FORBID!

I know a lot of people who play Magic: The Gathering. I dont play. I really have no interest in it at all. But imagine tomorrow I up and decided NOPE can't talk to any of these people anymore becuase they play Magic: The Gathering. Or World of Warcraft. Cant identify with those TYPES. Now watch as I smell my own farts. I think i'd rather be shot in the face than walk around with that kind of close minded, arrogant mentality. You know what my geekery of choice is? I collect action figures! Thats right, every Wednesday I run into the local Toys R Us store to see if there's any new delivery of something I'm looking for, if there is I buy it run home open it take pictures and stand the thing up on my shelf or on top of my blu-ray collection or TV or what have you. And should anyone give me a giggle about ir I just happily raise an eyebrow and say "hey I can likely name some bullshit you do which I have no interest in that I can take and shove entirely up your ass if I want to :D But a penis, I am not, so I wont if you wont." We all have our hobbies be it video games, cars, sports, movies, fashion, bondage, pets, orgasms, what have you. Sitting there and letting that SINGULAR thing determine whether a person is worth your shit or not doesn't make you wise, or interesting, or even funny. It just makes you shit filled asshole. So to this slag, who is happily getting torn asunder in the comments section of her very own page(heh!), I will take the pot, and kettle and shove them both directly up her own gizmodo.

Trailer Park: The Hunger Games

Welcome to the latest, er, first edition of trailer park! To be found exclusively on this here bullshit blog of mine. In here I will post and discuss the newest trailers for upcoming films that I may or may not give a shit about. I'll either shower it with praise or heap it with mockery! We start this first ever edition of trailer park with the first teaser trailer for the movie "The Hunger Games", based on book 1 of a three part series. Let's watch!

And by teaser trailer they sure as shit meant fucking TEASER! Christ! Apparently they are still filming the damn movie, so I guess this very brief sample is all they could stitch together. I feel bad for anyone who hasn't read the books or has heard anything about this. They'd watch this and think it's a remake of Robin Hood with a chick in the lead role now instead of an overweight Russell Crowe. I doubt that would have saved the Ridley Scott movie, but not much could have. Other than it having actually been a Robin Hood movie of course which it actually wasn't.....where were we? OH yes, hot chick Robin Hood. So yeah the teaser gives away absolutely nothing, including actual storyline. But that's what I'm here for

The Hunger Games takes place in the distant future long after the fall of the United States. A new fascist government is in power now controlling 12 districts. Each district supplies a different utility, all of which goes towards the ruling Capital City. To flex its absolute power over the districts, each year the capital forces each district to either supply, or have randomly chosen 2 "tributes" from ages 12 to 18 to compete in The Hunger Games, which are televised death matches in specially designed arenas. The games end when only one kid is left standing. The books follow 16 year old Katniss Everdeen from the poverty stricken District 12, who finds herself competing in the hunger games, and her struggle to survive against the capital city's tricks and the other tributes all trying to kill her and each other.

Now I've actually read the three books, and trust me when I say they are EXCELLENT. It's probably one of the best times I've had reading a book series. Hell I read the entire third book in one day. By the end of it my eyes were bleeding and I was in convulsions for 72 hours, but it was worth it dammit! The books do not shy away from the dire situation characters find themselves in or the world that exists around them. Very often they go into extremely dark places and rarely is anything held back. They are violent without being gruesome and once the tension starts it never lets up. Only the first book covers The Hunger Games, so whether this movie is a hit or a flop, you'll get an ending, I wont spoil what goes on in books 2 and 3, but if you're a fan of sci-fi tinged stories about all controlling fascist governments, you'll have an idea of where things head. And even then, things only become more bleak and desperate. By the looks of the footage shown, all couple seconds of it, it at least looks like they are filming this with the alarm the subject matter requires.

The film is directed by Gary Ross, who's previous films include Pleasantville and Seabiscuit, so he at least has enough talent to not make it shit. I REALLY hope this film delivers. The books scream for film adaptations and could really deliver something compelling just as long as they don't shy away from the dark tone of the stories or short change any of the character moments. This has potential to be brilliant, as the books already are. They had better not fuck it up, cause I really want to see books 2 and 3 get turned into films, as those two would be the most visually appealing. There is of course a romantic subplot in the series, as there is with every book or film that has ever fucking existed, involving a bit of a love triangle so you can fully expect the studio to try to market it this to the Twilight crowd. This to me is a great folly. They risk alienating NORMAL people who don't give a fuck about sparkly vampires. This is nothing to do with Tiwlight. It's infinitely better written and a million times the better story. So don't be turned off when you see the eventual marketing ploy trying to make idiotic teen girls pick which of the two male leads in the series are their favorites. Sigh.  I'm going to have a hell of a time yelling at people that this has as much to do with Twilight as shit has to do with apple pie. Selling this towards Harry Potter fans would have been FAR wiser. But then again Hollywood is basically a living corpse without a brain at this point. Oddly enough, the Twilight dinks who have read the books  all HATE the third book. Mainly since  it is as far from being a happy go lucky book as you can get.

So there you have it. I'm sure the next trailer will show a lot more and give a better sense of what the story is. I'll just keep my fingers crossed that they don't fuck this up. This here is right near the top of movies I want to see next year, and I'll eat live kittens if they botch it. That's it for this edition of trailer park! May the odds be ever in your favor.

By the way that little whistle you hear at the end, that's the thing that got me most excited, since it relates to one of the most tragically moving moments in the entire series. Glad they got that in there.

Weekend Box office(or lack thereof) report!

Another sloooooow weekend for Hollywood. They would say it was the hurricane that hampered business down this weekend, but I'd say horse shit. You can expect these slow weekends to come for a while. I'm not sure there's anything coming out anytime soon that will be making much, or looks appealing enough to make anything. Until that sparkly vampire movie I suppose. But anyway, here's this weekend's rundown:

The Help, in which witty black people show white people about life, came in at number 1 again with a cool 14 million. This one is most definitely headed towards Oscar nominations now. if only for the hope that it will get people to actually watch the show

In number 2 was the new release "Colombiana", a movie about a hot chick who kills people. This one in particular stars Zoe Saldana who played Uhura in the new Star Trek, and a blue monkey/cat in James Cameron's "Fuck You! I Make Money!" er, Avatar. It only made $10 million. She should have gotten naked in it! Would have at least made another $2 million. Then again probably not. It's OK she'll go back to playing a blue thing when "Avatar 2: Fuck You Even MORE Money!" comes out in 2014.

Number 3 went to the horror remake Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, produced by the brilliant Guillermo Del Toro. He should have directed instead. Would have gotten better reviews and probably made more than the $8 million it shit out. By the way, will someone do me the kind favor of asking Hollywood WHY exactly they don't release horror movies in fucking OCTOBER?? What is a movie called "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" coming out in bright and sunny fucking AUGUST? Why did FRIGHT NIGHT come out last week in the very UN-frightful AUGUST? WHAT ARE THESE MOVIES DOING OUT IN AUGUST??? And then what happens is there are NO horror releases in October except Saw In Space, or the new run it into the ground franchise, Paranormal Activity. A film series in which audiences are scared into becoming whimpering assholes by watching absolutely NOTHING happen on a movie screen. Turning on the kitchen light and finding a roach on the floor is scarier. Perhaps I should film THAT and make $70 million dollars easy. They'll make 20 sequels, each time having a hapless character turning on the lights in a different room of a house only to find a roach on the floor! This is genius I'm going to go copyright this idea right now before you steal it.

At number 4 was Rise of the Planet of the Apes. A movie in which witty monkey's teach white people to go fuck themselves. It made just over $8 million for the weekend, which means it probably wont be in the top 5 much longer. Which is good cause I am tired of having to type out that giant ass title.

And finally at number 5 is "Our Idiot Brother". A movie starring the idiot Paul Rudd for idiot audiences that only made an idiotic $6 million dollars. Idiots.

And there is your box office report. Of the top 5 here, only The Help and, sigh, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes(fucking tired of typing it!) are making money and are both considered big hits. Which is good, cause down with white people! So until next time....which will be next weekend of course, kill whitey!

Unfortunate movie review: PRIEST

Hey you, reader! Did you like the above movie here? If you did then you're an asshole! Cause you see that poster up there? That poster is the highlight of this movie. It's also a complete fabrication as the movie spends only 3 of it's 86 minute running time within that Gothic looking city there. The rest takes place in the desert.That desert gives a better representation of this film. Bland, boring, dull, and lifeless.

Taking place in an alternate reality where catholic priests haven't actually molested any little boys on the count that they have been waging a war with Resident Evil knockoff looking vampires for decades, humanity has finally won that war with the aid of specially trained...uh...PRIESTS that have all sorts of objects that can slice and dice those no good bloodsuckers where they lie! The church, just as dumb in this reality as they are in ours, disband the priests once the war is done. Cause, you know, fuck it.This is all told at the beginning of the movie mind you, in an ANIMATED sequence. Yes ANIMATED. The movie might have fared better had the rest of it been animated, but as it is, it feels completely out of place. Like they ran out of money and said "lets just draw some toon's!" From there we see a nice happy looking couple.....hey....can it be? HEY! it's Stephen Moyer! Bill Compton from True Blood! And he IS NOT playing a vampire! Oh gotta love that stunt casting....oh nevermind he's done. Moving on. Uh, so um, yeah we see a happy looking couple with a teenage daughter get attacked by the long believed dead Resident Evil Knockoffs(

see!) they dispatch of Bill Compton and wife and take the teenage daughter for their own purposes. Oh and there's also a cowboy with the vampires. He's played by the usually reliable Karl Urban. As it turns out the girl is related to the main character in the film, a Priest by the name of....um.....I actually don't think he has a name, but he's played by Paul Bettany! Anyway he urges the church to let him go out and fight some vamps but apparently they are thinking of the pros and cons of underage male penis and yell at him for suggesting vampires are alive. Grumbling he sets off anyway along with the local sheriff, yes sheriff of the town in which the family lived. And the church sends out other retired priests to hunt him down for disobeying and Karl Urban as an uber vamp is up to no good and this that and the other.

The problem with this movie is just how LIFELESS the whole thing is. It's all so drone and empty. There is no heart, emotion, care, NOTHING. It's as if the movie was directed by Prince Valium from Space Balls

And that malaise spreads to everything else in the film. Visually its dull. Even the futuristic cyber church city looks like a poor man's Blade Runner ripoff. And worst of all it spreads to ALL of the actors in the film. Paul Bettany is a good actor, but he looks like he has to take a shit throughout the entire movie



Bathroom! There

And then there's the fact that everyone in the movie is attempting to do their best Christian Bale Batman movie voice. They all talk in a grizzled "i'm fucking dark and miserable fuck you!" voice and it comes off terrible. Poor Paul Bettany's accent keeps tyring to slither through the grizzled asshole voice. So half his dialogue ends up sounding like they called "action" when he was still gurgling on Listerine. "Arre Yuo WReaedy? I'nm gohng to kheill vampywres!" I felt sad for him. He looked only comfortable when he had to play it silent and just kill things and throw around CGI metal object at other CGI creatures. Sadly, that doesn't happen nearly as often as you'd expect. Or maybe it did and I was looking at my action figure colelction. Not sure. 

The FUCK, are you DOING!

Most laughable is the character of....um.....a female Priest thats sent to track down the Paul Bettany Christian Bale impression and turn him back to the church. She doesnt of course becuase she's in love with him. We know this becuase she hints it to him in ways that are meant to be subtle, but come off so  obvious you roll your eyes. If James Cameron had designed his movie Titanic to be in the shape of his penis, THAT would have been less obvious that anything she says in this movie. She's played by actress Maggie Q, who has no tits, no ass, a body as thin and flat as a block of wood but is Asian and therefore the hottest living thing on the face of the earth, and her mix of love and boredome probably constitute the worst performance of the film. Only Karl Urban get's away with anything since he has the intelligence to know he's in a lump of shit and therefore hams it up as best he can.

Priest isn't an offensibly bad movie. At no point did I get angry and curse upon mother Earth for watching it. It's just so BORING! The movie is 80 something minutes and even THAT feels too long. At the end of it all, you feel as if you've watched nothing at all. It ends, nothing much is accomplished, closes with a cliffhanger, you pull it out of your blu-ray/dvd machine, look at it, pack it back in it's netflix envelope and continue on with life as if NOTHING has ever happened. I watched this movie last Friday and only NOW I am writing this review since I only just remembered I even watched this fucking thing an hour ago. So verdict:: Skip it. It's a total waste of time and you'll never even remembered you watched it. Cuase there is literally NOTHING to see here. Neither good or aweful, it's a ghost of a movie that serves no purpose in life other than to....wait what movie was this again?

Grade: D-




Me and Sean Penn agree on something!

Here's an article: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/movies/2011/08/sean-penn-terrence-malick-tree-of-life-critical.html

...in which actor/communist Sean Penn disses his new film The Tree of Life, by "acclaimed" director Terrence Malick. He basically says the film had no narrative and he had no clue what the hell his character was doing in the film. I haven't seen the film, but I'm willing to bet bottom dollar Penn's comments are spot on! Terrence Malick films are fucking ponderous and annoying. Only pseudo intellectuals, hipsters, and elitists like Terrence Malick movies! His films have no narrative, no story structure, no characterization, NOTHING. They are just images splashed onto a screen and strung together. Fuck me even David Lynch has better narrative than Malick! I at least can come away with a sense of what Eraserhead was trying to say. And at least Lynch stuffs his films with such odd bullshit that you cant help but to keep watching Malick is the film equivalent of Jackson Pollack. All splash and razzle dazzle and incomprehensible bullshit that people pretend is art. So score one for Sean Penn for once, for coming out and stating the obvious, when everyone else in Hollywood is still trying to figure out how  many Oscars to have over to Malick next year. "Oh you just don't understand the beauty of..." No I don't and neither do you but you like to pretend you so you can look smart and artistic but you're not so FUCK OFF! I'll take 10 Green Lantern's over ONE Thin Red Line any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Weekend box office(or lack thereof) report!

So here's something I always fancied writing about but never did due to lack of space/time/energy, the weekend's box office take at the movies! For some odd reason I always like to see what ends up where and with how much. Just to see where audience interests lie and what movies end up making it and which ones don't. So maybe I'll start doing these weekly in my usual acidic fashion. Feel free to comment! Or I'll get lazy again. And none of us want that.

This weekend saw the release of 4 wide releases. And none one of them managed to make a dent! Instead, two steady hold overs held firm and took the top spots Here's a brief rundown.

The number one spot went to The Help. This years white guilt movie. It's been floating along steadily for weeks now but finally made the leap to number 1, getting good word of mouth and a steady stream of cash. This is already a financial success and is already gathering rumblings of possible Oscar nominations. The Blind Side all over again

In number 2 was Rise of the Planet of the Apes(could also be a white guilt movie) holding strong a few weeks in already. Here's a summer movie no one expected to like or even see, but it's doing better business than anyone could have imagined. It's also one of the best things playing right now, and if you don't think so, you suck.

The third spot went to Spy kids 4. Director Robert Rodriguez continued apology to his kids for cheating on their mom with actress Rose McGowen. They'll likely just hate him more after seeing this. It only made 12 million for the weekend, but Rodriguez knows how to keep budgets at a low, so at the end of it all this one will probably break even. Enough for him 20 more.

And in number 4 we have the most geek hyped up new release of the weekend which nobody else gave a shit about, CONAN! Actor Jason Momoa(the awesome Khal Drogo on Game of Thrones) took over the role from Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nobody cared. The movie only mustered $10 million for the weekend. It cost $90 million. Ouch! Truth be told, its likely nobody gives a shit about seeing a Conan movie without Arnold. It's his second most iconic role after Terminator, Geeks will say its closer to the original source material the original movie was based on. But, I'm willing to bet audiences don't give a shit about the source material, or even know Conan exists outside of the Arnold movies. The box office take would seem to back me up on this. Also, I',m willing to bet the 3D for this didn't help. It's already a movie people don't give a shit about, and they'll give LESS a shit once they realize they have to pay double the money to check it out.

The Smurfs rounded out the top 5, still making more money then it probably deserves. But this will be the last time I under estimate nostalgia factor mixed in with a kiddie film. Hell there's a third Alvin and the Chipmunks movie on the way. I bet that ends up being a hit too. Shit.

The other two new releases for this weekend couldn't even land the top 5. Fright Night 3D(go fuck yourself Hollywood) made only $8 million! That's REALLY bad. Funny thing is this got good reviews and the handful of people who did see it all generally liked it. Unfortunately, that only amounts to an addition on one's netflix queue, not a trip to the theater. Speaking of which :adds Fright Night remake to queue: Cough. This starred Collin Farrell. Makes me wonder how the completely unnecessary Total Recall remake will fare next year. There was also some Anne Hathaway romantic film about who knows what. It only made $5 million. Bet she cant wait to be see in Dark Knight Rises.

So there you have it. the top 5 box office take for the weekend. Yes 5! You want the full 10, fuck you go find it! If you find this amusing, do let me know. Maybe I'll do it again next week! If there's anything left to make money anymore. Which i honestly don't think there is. There sure as shit isn't  a single movie coming out from here to December that makes me want to go spend money and sit in a dank theater surrounded by assholes. Got other, better things to do. Like this bloqck!

By the way, for those wondering:
White Guilt Movie: a movie where your average white person, the type who will walk to the other side of the street when they see a black person, can appease thier guilt of hidden racism by liking a movie where a black person is a source of inspiration. Examples include Driving Miss Daisy, The Blind Side, and anything with Will Smith.

This is not an exit

So after countless requests, everyone from the Pope to the President, I have decided to shove aside laziness and give into temptation, and create a BLOG. Blog....blog....every time I say that word I feel like I'm choking on pasta or something. BLOG. BLOG. BLOQCK!!!! My BLOQCK!!! Fucking hell. I feel like shoving a q-tip into my throat to get the fettucini out.

 In this BLOQCK you'll find sporadic posts ranging from movies, music, to politics(God help you) to countless other things. Anything under the sun I suppose. Anything that offends me(this will be frequent) to anything that makes me happy(infrequent). If you're the easily offended type, fuck you! I WILL offend. I MEAN to offend. I WANT to offend. I LIKE to offend. So if you cry at the sight of a sinful word or a vapid description, leave here now or I will chew you out further, and dedicate an entire bloqck post to mocking you. And there WILL be foul language. Will Smith doesn't have to curse in his blogs to get followers. Well I do. So fuck him and fuck you too! I'll make sure to shamelessly promote myself whenever a new bloqck post is written, so have no fear, you shall be informed/warned. So trap yourselves in, and get ready for a surprise! The one blog to rule them all has commenced!