The Penis of George Lucas

I was going to buy the Star Wars blu-ray set. All six movies in high definition. I was going to buy it. I wanted to buy it. I was looking foward to it.

But I'm afraid that time has come and gone my friends. For, as you will see, George Lucas has ONCE AGAIN pulled out his penis, stroked himself, and squirted him mangoo all over the films. Yes, that's right, he's ALTERED the fucking movies ONCE AGAIN. And this time he didn't just stop as background material. You know, adding an extra bantha in the background taking a shit on a Jawa or something No, this time he decided to go ahead and alter the main action going on front and center. And not much of it is good. In fact most of it is so poor, so illogical, so unecessary, he has managed to RUIN the fucking films. He saw that line, and his penis said NO MORE! and by god, it crossed it! So here in order from least offensive to FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, are the changes made to the Star Wars films on this blu-ray set.

First we have CGI yoda in episode 1.

Fine. No problem with this at all. It actually looks better than the puppet they were still using when they made this movie. This is an improvement. Next

The Ewoks in Return of the Jedi have now been given CGI eyeballs and eyelids:

I actually like this one! The eyes came out good, and it gives just an added hint of personality to the Ewoks. He should have done this one a long time ago. Sadly, this is where the fun ends, and the PAIN begins.

For instance, remember that quick moment in Episode 4 when Obi Wan saves Luke and the droids by scaring off the retarded Sand People? Here's that moment in its original form in case you forgot:

Okay. That's fine. Nothing major. Small moment that serves its purpose. Obi Wan makes the noise of a creature and the Sand People scatter like assholes. Yet for some unfathomable reason, THIS just didn't sit right with good ol' Uncle George! So he changed it. And in doing so, has given the blu-ray editions of Star Wars, the following moment:

What the fuck was that???? LMAO!!!!! WHY DID HE CHANGE THIS???? AND HE MADE IT WORSE!!! It sounds like Carrot Top having a orgasm! What the f...Is this man SERIOUS??? IS THIS A JOKE???? Why would you even NEED to change that? It's so POINTLESS! And then to make it sound like THAT? Fuck me senseless! WHY???? I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!! GAH!!! :facepalm: This has to be a joke right? I mean he can't possibly be putting out these fucking movie's with this shit included can he? He took the roar of a beast and turned it into the sound of a peacock taking a shit. He HAS to be trolling people.

The next change is one he ALWAYS feels the need to tinker with, Jabba the Hut's Palace. Here are two changes in one clip. First off, you'll see there seems to be another 10 million people added within Jabba's little room there, the most obvious of which is Sebulba, the alien creature pod racer from Episode 1. George Lucas once again shoving those fucking prequels down everyone's eye socket at every given turn. But then you'll see the REAL kicker:

Uh...anybody notice how MASSIVE the door to Jabba's palace has become all of a sudden? Yes, Lucas decided to add in a CGI door, or actually, take the door that was already there, and CGI it to make it 4 times bigger! The result is just odd and terrible. The door looks like a cartoon. As if we're watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The camera shot has been altered so we can MAKE SURE to see this new fully CGI cartoon door as the droids approach it. It makes them look out of place against the backdrop of this giant cock door. Again, I must ask....WHYYYYYYYYYYY was this done? How miserable is George Lucas that he looked at the FUCKING door of Jabba the Hut's palace, pulled out his penis to consult with it and have the penis decide "DOOR TOO SMALL! NEED BIGGER DOOR FOR PENIS!"I mean, WHO was nitching about the door? ITS A DOOR!!! The worst part is, there is at one point an interior shot of the palace in which you see the door opening. THAT hasn't been changed! So in that shot, the size of the door outside, does NOT match the size of the door when viewed from the interior. So he's basically CREATED a continuity error in his own fucking film! I mean....I cant think of ANY logical reason for this one. What did he think he needed to explain just how they were able to fit the fucking Rankor in the palace? Oh gee! Thank you Uncle George for answering a question not a single person has given enough of a shit about to ask in over 30 fucking years! Glad you took the time to damage your own film for something NOBODY other than your dick gave a heep long fuck about! You flagrant asshole! :grinds teeth:

And now......I was looking foward to these blu0rays......comes THE change that officially confirms Lucas no longer uses his brain to think. This is where the penis saw the line, crosssed it, and splooged upon the film ruining it beyond repair. The Penis of Lucas decided to botch and destroy one of THE key moments in the entire Star Wars saga. First, some background. I draw your attention to the following clip:

What you have just seen was THE most parodied moment in all of Star Wars. All three prequels lead up to THIS moment. The momen't of Darth Vader's creation. And so naturally the Penis of Lucas decided that the first thing that Darth Vader, one of the most intimidating, classic, memorable characters in fucking film history, should do is walk off a gurney like Frankenstein's monster and yell NOOOOOoooOOOOoooOOOooOOooOooooooOOoo in the worst possible way anyone could ever think to yell NOOOOoooOOOOOoooOOOooOoooooo. It came off so poor, that fans immediately ragged on the scene. It became an instant internet meme. And rightly so! The fact that nobody ever stopped The Penis of George Lucas during the making of this film and said "uh, shouldnt we fix this a bit?" shows the tragedy that happens when once talented people become surrounded by useless "yes" men too afraid to ever stand up and stop thier leader from causing harm onto themselves or thier art. Surely George Lucas knows how poorly received this moment was. It's STILL all over the internet. It's infamous. It's something that should not be referenced to.

But the Penis of George Lucas is easily corrupted.

And that penis, with all it's bitter vile, has taken this moment:

AND HAS DONE THIS TO IT:

And with that, I will no longer purchase the Star Wars blu-ray set. I no longer want it. I no longer care. I no longer have the slightest interest in spending a single dollar on what once was one of my most anticipated blu-ray sets to ever be released. I am done. The Penis of George Lucas has spoken, It has emitted. It has altered. It has ruined. And I don't feel like playing it's games anymore. I mean....there is no viable explanation for this. None. Did Lucas all of a sudden think people didn't know what Vader was thinking at that exact fucking moment? After all thsi time? Did he want to tie the original series more to the prequels by making Vader more of the punk ass bitch he was while Hayden Christensen played him? I mean I look at this, and there is ZERO logic to it. None. I can't come up with a single reason for this. This is Lucas literally flipping the bird to his fanbase. And the worst part of it, ALL the little fanboys bitching and moaning about this, each and every single one of them will line up outside Best Buy on release day, BUY this fucking thing and give Lucas another couple million dollars to wipe his fucking ass with. If you keep encouraging stupid behavior, stupid behavior will continue. But I dont feel like rewarding stupidity so my money is staying in my wallet and going elsewhere. Now both sets of films culminate in Vader yelling NOOOoooOOOOoOOOooo like a simp. I'm done. Can't do it anymore. Star Wars is fucking dead.



The Penis of George Lucas has spoken!

 I leave you with this parting gift. A useful tool for you to use whenever another edition of Star Wars is released, and the penis takes to it altering everything in existance. You can expect that to happen soon too, since the penis decree that the Star Wars films are set to be released in theaters next year in fucking 3D. So you can just go here and properly vent what you really feel. Friends, CLICK HERE AND ENJOY!